The Curvically Challenged Ring
by YourBestKeptSecret
Summary: The Ring Inuyasha style. Can you stop the evil vertically challenged youth before your seven minutes are up? Inuyasha learns the true meaning of, “Don’t watch the tape.” InuyashaRingxover. R&R No flames please.
1. Full Ramen Cup

Summary: The Ring Inuyasha style. Can you stop the evil vertically challenged youth before your seven minutes are up? Inuyasha learns the true meaning of, "Don't watch the tape." InuyashaRingxover. R&R No flames please.

Disclaimer: If you see anything you recognize we don't own it (ex: Inuyasha, The Ring, comedians, various jokes, puns, etc. etc.)

This fanfic was brought to you in part by XxgestlblondyxX and Animeangel77. (Note I forced her to do this, because I can and because she's my sister. MUHAHAHA!)

The Curvically Challenged Ring

Chapter #1: Full Ramen Cup

It was a dark and stormy night where the air chilled you to the bone...Okay so it was actually early evening on a bright and sunny day with temperatures in the mid 70's are you happy now?

Inuyasha was sitting at home with nothing better to do then watch TV while eating ramen noodles aka his favorite activity in his bean bag chair. We join him as he is flipping through the channel for something to watch.

Commercial #1:

Announcer: "Are you just sitting at home in a bean bag chair?"

Inuyasha looks around stupidly, "Yeahhhh."

Announcer: "Are you drinking those ramen noodles again?"

Slurp slurp. Inuyasha looks down, "Yeahhh."

Announcer: "Are you going to donate 100 to our charity fund?"

Inuyasha looks around, "Noooo."

Inuyasha continues his search for something to watch. He stops when an upbeat songs hits his sensitive ears.

Theme Song:

Singer: "I Want to Change the World..."

"Who would watch this garbage?" Inuyasha now turns to his favorite show.

Theme Song with Inuyasha's vocal assistance:

"I don't wanna wait for our lives to be over...something something something..." _'I love this show. Dawson your my hero.'_ As he hugs his Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper to his chest.

Half Hour Later with yet another bowl of ramen and a box of used tissues...

"Dawson...WHYYY? HOW DO YOU LIVE WITH YOURSELF!" Inuyasha weeps his salty tears slowly falling into his ramen cup. "No Dawson she'll only betray you again..." He trails off as he hears a knock on the door.

"Eww mailman time to get my bite on." Inuyasha runs to the door and rips it off its hinges only to find the mailman scurrying away in fear. "COWARD! COME BACK HER SIMON AND FACE ME LIKE THE DISGRUNTLED POSTAL WORKER YOU ARE!"

"YOUR SINGING IS UTTERLY REPULSIVE!" Simon yells behind his back as he continues to run away as his shorts crawl up his butt.

"DON'T DISS MY SINGING YOU AMERICAN IDOL JUDGE WANNABE!"

"YOU'LL SEE! JUST ONE DAY EVERYONE IN AMERICA WILL HATE ME AS I CRUSH THE HOPES AND DREAMS OF SO MANY!"

"WELL I ALREADY HATE YOU SO THEIR'S ONE ONLY BILLIONS LEFT TO GO!" Inuyasha sees Simon giggling like a schoolgirl as he runs off and saves an butt kicking for another day. "He'll be back!"

Inuyasha now draws his attention down to the mail that the disgruntled postal worker left for him. "Bill, Bill, You Might Already Be A Winner, Final Notice, Get Off Your Fat Butt And Pay This, Kagome's High School Diploma, We Really Mean It, We Will Take Legal Action Soon...all junk mail." He throws it the conveniently placed waist basket.

"Well now...What's this?" Inuyasha looks to the ground at what appears to be Blockbuster movies conveniently delivered to his front door. "Cool, with no late fees."

As Inuyasha is conveniently opening his mail his neighbor Jeff walks by. "Hey Jeff"

"Hey Inuyasha, can you hear me now?" Inuyasha sweat drops and simply nods his head. "GOOOOOD!" _'That guy really needs to get a job.'_

Inuyasha returns to his house and makes himself comfy on his beanbag chair as he looks at the movies he received. "Inuyasha Move #1 junk, Inuyasha Movie #2 junk, My Ramen and Me oh yeah that's the stuff, Pitch Black Vin Diesel I love him (giggles like a schoolgirl ;), and what the hell is this?"

Inuyasha tossed the other movies aside and began to stare blankly at the coverless DVD he know held in his hand. The movie was clearly labeled, "DO NO WATCH THIS!" Inuyasha scoffed and set it next to the DVD player. "I'll make some more ramen for this one."

Inuyasha came back with a full cup of ramen and set in on the stand next to his chair. "Okay lets pop this baby in and see what it is? I really hope its Pooty Tang." A hopeful look came on his face.

To Inuyasha's great pleasure it appeared to be Pooty Tang, "Yes I knew it!" Then suddenly it changes to Oprah.

Oprah: "Today on the Oprah show I will be piercing my ears for the first time. Here we go." Inuyasha sat there in utter amazement holding up his hand in the Oprah salute. _'How did they know this was my favorite episode.'_ "Be strong Oprah! Be Strong! We're all here for you!"

The scene again changed to something truly horrifying he almost wet himself. It is so awful that we cannot include it...but we will anyway. "NO NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!" As he gets into the fetal position sucking his thumb.

TV: "COME ON PEOPLE FEEL THE BURN!"

Yes that's right Richard Simmons in tight spandex. "OH THE HORROR!" Finally after much unrest and a million squats later the scene changed yet again. "Who the heck taped this stuff?"

This time it was Sesshomaru licking his arm then cleaning his head. It looked just like a cat brushing its hair. "Sesshomaru, what are you doing in my television?" Sesshomaru doesn't answer and the silence continues.

Then we cut to a scene of one of Koga's lackeys doing a swan dive off of a cliff. "What a moron!" The lackey plummets to the ground only to be stopped by a tree. His woo-hoo lands in the middle and you hear a distinct, "I'm never gonna have pups now." The lackey falls off the other side of the tree.

"Ewwww that had to hurt." The shot quickly went to a clearing in the forest somewhere that Inuyasha knew all too well. "Isn't that the Bone Eater's Well?" The shot goes above the well to see down it.

"Hey is that Rin?" It was indeed the vertically challenged youth also known as Rin slowly in her decaying state climbs up the curvically challenged ring that was the wells opening. Inuyasha tilts his head to the side and his ears do the little twitch. "What is she doing?"

Next it cuts to Rin in an open field slowly, and I do mean oh so slowly, working her way toward the television screen. By this time Inuyasha had moved to peering behind the couch with ramen noodles in hand. "If anyone can see me I lost my contact lense, I'm not scared of Rin."

All of a sudden the screen cut out and there was the horrifying sight of the curvically challenged ring (also known as a square) that was the Bone Eater's Well. Then the television went blank. "Okayyyy, that was interesting, but what happened to Pooty Tang?"

All of a sudden Inuyasha's phone goes off along with the vibrate, "I DON'T WANNA WAIT FOR OUR LIVES TO BE OVER..."

"hee-hee that tickles." Inuyasha fishes his phone out from the mysterious third dimension in his hair. "Talk to me."

Static static

Inuyasha gets up and stand on his couch trying to get better reception. "HELLO, HELLO! CAN YOU HEAR ME KNOW!"

Jeff: "HEY, THAT'S MY LINE!"

"Oh good you can hear me. Now what's up?"

Voice: "Seevvvveeennnn miinnnuutteesss."

"Huh?"

Voice: "Youuu heeaarrdd mmmeee."

"Yeah, but I don't understand."

Voice: "Yoouuuu nnneevvveeerrr uuunnnddeerrrssttannnddd."

"Could you cut it out that is getting really annoying."

Voice: "Fine be that way. It means dumb ass that I'm coming in seven minutes to kill you. Okay make that six and a half cause you just wasted my time."

"Okay see you in what is it six and a half minutes. Bye then." Hangs up phone. "What a weirdo? Wow six minutes I have just enough time to make two cups of ramen noodles while I wait." Inuyasha walks to the kitchen to prepare his last meal while he turns up the radio. "I DON'T WANNA WAIT FOR OUR LIVES TO BE OVER..."

While Inuyasha makes himself some noodles and sings that awful song the vertically challenged youth to some known as Rin is telling Jaken to drive faster as they approach Inuyasha's house.

"I can't go any faster or I will blow the fuse on my electric car."

"Jaken does it look like I care about your environmental awareness right now? NO I don't! Drive FASTER!"

"Fine be that way."

"Uh-Oh!"

"What happened?"

"My watch stopped."

End Chapter

I know I know what you're thinking, but I don't care. I have nothing against Dawson's Creek but it's a good show tune. R&R now that that's finally over I can release my sister from my evil grasp. HAHAHA yeah right. Don't worry it's not the end just for now it's only the beginning. "Death is only the beginning..." AnimeAngel77

XxgestlblondyxX and AnimeAngel77

Next time on the curvically challenged ring: 7 minutes later

"No not my Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper you monster." As he sucks up his ramen noodles. Slurp slurp.


	2. Seven Minutes Later

Summary: The Ring Inuyasha style. Can you stop the evil vertically challenged youth before your seven minutes are up? Inuyasha learns the true meaning of, "Don't watch the tape." InuyashaRingxover. R&R No flames please.

Disclaimer: If you see anything you recognize we don't own it (ex: Inuyasha, The Ring, comedians, various jokes, puns, etc. etc.)

YBKS: Hello friends. Thanks for reviewing. I have finally recaptured my sister and am currently forcing her to help the dark side.

AA: Help me...somebody...anybody...

YBKS: It puts the lotion on it's skin

AA: Huh?

YBKS: It puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the insert right word here again...

AA: Right...I know I have dry skin, but I think this is going a little too far...

YBKS: R&R or the same will happen to you...HAHAHAHAHA

AA: Please don't encourage her...

YBKS: It puts the lotion on it's skin

AA: Not that again. Please help. SOS. 911.

The Curvically Challenged Ring

Chapter #2: Seven Minutes Later

"I DON'T WANNA WAIT FOR OUR LIVES TO BE OVER..."

"tee-hee it tickles again. Getting called twice in one day I must be popular." Inuyasha yet again delves into the third dimension located in his long, silver locks. (Hey with that much hair he had to be hiding something)

"Hello Dutch Springs Inuyasha speaking how may I help you." (for those who don't know I work there and that's how we answer the phone)

Kagome: "Hey Inuyasha. I know this isn't Dutch Springs and for the hundredth time they fired you they even set up a restraining order."

"Right that's what they want you to think. The restraining order says no no, but the gates say yes yes. So what's up?"

Kagome: "Right. Did my high school diploma come in the mail yet."

Inuyasha looks over to the conveniently placed waist basket and looks back to his Ramen cup. "No sorry...Didn't see it yet. Maybe that disgruntled postal worker is holding it hostage I'll call you when he leaves the ransom. This is a job for...Vin Diesel"

Kagome: ' "Right, I'm sure that's it. You do know he's just an actor. By the way could you please vaccume..."

"What sorry can't hear you, we're about to be disconnected. Call you later, love you, bye." Inuyasha slams phone trying to turn it off.

Kagome: "Dumb ass doesn't know how to turn off his phone." Kagome hangs up and decides to call him back in ten...when it's too late.

Inuyasha puts his phone back in the third dimension also known as his hair. "Down fluffy down boy." Inuyasha fights with the guard dog that lives in the third dimension. Finally beating the dog Inuyasha returns to his bean bag chair with his cup of noodles.

"Wow, Rin is a little late. Good, enough time to make yet another cup of noodles." Inuyasha enters the kitchen as ominous unknown eyes follow him across the floor.

'_I see dead people...and Inuyasha.'_ The stalker like figure scaled the walls to the top of the stairs. _'I shall use my very slim figure and my camouflaging to slowly sneak up on him before I pounce.'_

Inuyasha slowly watches his noodles turning in the microwave while slobbering over the thought of eating them. _'Dumb dog can't he move any faster. I might be here a while.'_

'_Man this guy takes forever. He doesn't even notice that his noodles are done. Ouch...Oh...my butts falling asleep.'_ Inuyasha got water with a bendy straw and stalked back over to the microwave to retrieve his noodles. He quickly grabbed them and fumed out of the kitchen. _'Now is my chance to strike.'_

Out of no where our assailant launches himself into the air to strike down our half demon friend. "BUYO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Inuyasha catches Buyo by his armpits and holds him in front of his face. _'Oh no he's captured me. I know I'll just wriggle out of his grasp using my slim form.'_

Denial much. "Buyo you silly kitty. I was bored and looking for a friend while waiting for Rin. Come on lets go play dress up."_ 'One-day half-breed mark my words I will exact my revenge on your dumb ass. Oh I hate dress up the wool chaffs something nasty and the glitter gets in my fir. How can I sneak up on someone if I look like a discoball.'_

"Buyo, you seem unhappy. Is it because I went poopy in your litter box." Suddenly Buyo eyes get big and round as saucers as he turns his head toward the litter box. Buyo sees two massive inu-turds laying ominously on top of he kitty litter. _'Oh the inhumanity of it all. I will get you, you didn't even have the decency to bury them. I will poopy on your newspaper next time.' _

"Hey when did I eat corn?" Inuyasha stares blankly at his inu-turds.

All of a sudden Buyo's seemingly gentle eyes turned dark and ominous. "Buyo...you're scaring me." Buyo looks up at the inu-retard and gives him the finger. All of a sudden Buyo turns into the evil demon cat from Scary Movie 2. "BUYO WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Buyo gets a beer bottle out of no where and smashes it. _'I will fight you to the death for what you have done.'_

Smashing and collimate could be heard from inside the little house...

"JAKEN YOU MISSED THE EXIT! HOW COULD YOU MISS THE EXIT!" Rin threw up her arms in disgust.

"I'm sorry I haven't learned to make right turns yet." Jaken looked at the vertically challenged youth with malice playing across his face.

"JAKEN DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT OR I WILL MAKE YOU PULL THIS CAR OVER!" Jaken slumped back into his seat forced to forever listen to this vertically challenged youth.

Rin took a huge map out of her pocket to try and pin point the location of Inuyasha's house. "Rin, that's a map of the world."

"Shut up Jaken. Okay, so were about right here..."

"Rin...that's Canada."

"Okay then how about..."

"South America."

"Okay how bout..."

"Antarctica. Over to the right Rin. A little more to the right. Down, down, to the left a bit. No that's too far. Okay like 500 miles over and there."

"Nu-uh that's Japan."

"Rin we're in Japan."

"Oh, I forgot."

Inuyasha sat in the house pacing and waiting. He didn't like to wait around especially when it was for his demise. "There's only two things I hate in this world waiting around and being rushed and Naraku. Oh wait that's three." Inuyasha continued his pacing as he stared at an unconscious Buyo on the floor.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR CARS RUNNING OUT OF GAS IT'S ELECTRIC?" Rin hit Jaken over the head as she looked over the side to see Kaede zoom past them. "WOW, She's going like 90 miles per hour."

"You know hitting me won't make the car go any faster. It's only, because I left my lights on outside of Perkins until that nice couple got so annoyed and jump started our car."

"It's, because we were blocking the exit."

"Yeah I know that's why they got annoyed."

"Hey look there's Inuyasha's house."

Rin quickly jumped out of the car and headed to the tiny house. She quietly drilled a hole in the wall to get to the TV. Once inside the TV she started her approach toward Inuyasha.

Inuyasha just sat there sipping his Ramen noodles and stroking the unconscious Buyo. Rin flopped out of the TV with an "OMPF." Inuyasha's face was covered by an ominous shadow. "You're late..." His words chilled her to the bone as he continued to stroke Buyo.

Rin turned on a light and Inuyasha let out a girly scream. "DON'T LOOK AT ME!" Rin had enough of this she was going to kill him now. "I'm sorry I kept you waiting but this shall be the winter of your discontent."

Inuyasha quickly got up to run to the door and tripped over an unconscious Buyo. _'Hahaha sweet revenge.'_ Rin started slowly walking toward Inuyasha and when I say slowly I mean she was barley moving.

"Please...Please..." Inuyasha tried crawling to the door forgetting that he could get up and walk. The door was so close, but he couldn't reach it from the ground. Rin trudged slowly closer and closer and in the horror movie fashion she "mysteriously" catches up with him.

As soon as she came close enough Inuyasha keeled over. "WHAT WAS THAT? COME ON I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING! WHAT ABOUT THE TOURTURE AND THE KILLING!" Inuyasha cracked open one eye and looked up at the decaying vertically challenged youth.

"Haven't you ever heard of playing dead...you know you're quite scary when your mad...kinda like Kagome on her period with red wine. Not like I'm afraid of Kagome or anything..." Inuyasha shudders on the floor at the horrible memories.

"Well then I will just have to strangle you to death and take your beloved Trapper Keeper."

"No not my Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper you monster." As he sucks up his ramen noodles. Slurp slurp.

"Hey where did you get those Ramen noodles?" Rin looked at him with a puzzled look.

"I always have Ramen noodles."

Rin finally did it, she killed Inuyasha and stashed him behind the couch. _'Hahaha my revenge is exacted on the inu-retard with his inu-turds.' _Rin walked out of the house into the light of day. Jaken was awaiting her while reading a playboy.

"Took you long enough."

"Shut up. We have to go before Kagome gets home."

Jaken and Rin rode off into the sunset...okay okay so it was noon and they headed east toward the Dairy Queen.

Inuyasha lay dead and lifeless behind the sofa for hours till a shrill scream broke the silence...

End Chapter

YBKS: Sorry if it wasn't as funny but we had no where to go, but I promise next chapter you will piss your pants.

AA: You get what you pay for

YBKS: It puts the lotion on it's...

AA: Okay enough of that. Just R&R or she will keep me here forever.

YBKS: And just between us I will keep her here anyway.

YourBestKeptSecret previously known as XxgestlblondyxX and AnimeAngel77


End file.
